I’m sure you would have heard this from your close friends and your S/he squads when you put your heart on sleeve going around telling them you had finally found the one for you and that you have started living, feeling, experiencing love.
The first sentence post your declaration speech perhaps by your listeners would have been – “I’m happy for you but, don’t give away your heart too soon”.
How can one while experiencing ecstasy in love not give their heart away, and how soon is too soon?
How can one while rejoicing togetherness in the relationship stop one’s self from straying away protecting one’s heart from being stolen/gifted or taken. Again, How soon is too soon?
How can one while enjoying the nectar of being loved and cherished not give their heart and soul away, and how soon is too soon?
Can time be measured? and Can actions such as giving away heart be determined? God knows.. or wonder if even he would know of such unknowing act of when or how it happens.. But it does happen for sure as a by product of being in love.
We in relationship tailgate eachother into the journey called love through dreams, writing 2am poems and prose gigling and whispering chats envinsing a future together, wondering where this person was all this years.
It is only a natural phenomenon which you don’t realise how deep you have started developing feelings for eachother until a day comes and the moment of truth appears in front of your eyes. “Your first fight” and it could be for something very silly as not giving you a call on a promised time, or taking you along with him or her for his/her friend’s farewell or lunch or dinner or a get together.
A breach of Psychological contract! Damn…
Though this looks like a petty fight, holistically speaking the impact it holds on the individual who gets ditched can start feeling remorseful and start questioning his/her importance they hold in their partner’s life and if the partner holds his/her ego over their love interest then god save this relationship even in the initial stage weaved in the thread of silver and gold of dreams.
Let’s understand what I am saying through a famous experiment
The Stanford prison experiment (SPE) was a social psychology experiment that attempted to investigate the psychological effects of perceived power, focusing on the struggle between prisoners and prison officers. It was conducted at Stanford University on the days of August 14–20, 1971, by a research group led by psychology professor Philip Zimbardo using college students.
In the study, volunteers were assigned to be either “guards” or “prisoners” by the flip of a coin, in a mock prison, with Zimbardo himself serving as the superintendent. Several “prisoners” left mid-experiment, and the whole experiment was abandoned after six days.
Early reports on experimental results claimed that students quickly embraced their assigned roles, with some guards enforcing authoritarian measures and ultimately subjecting some prisoners to psychological torture, while many prisoners passively accepted psychological abuse and, by the officers’ request, actively harassed other prisoners who tried to stop it.
The experiment has been described in many introductory psychology books and it only strengthens what I am talking to you about.
Your first fight! Read on carefully from here on…
Sometimes though for fun you want to test your partner’s feelings for you, through small mind games like
1. Delayed replying to the text knowing it has been seen and read(blue tick mark) that implicitly saying you aren’t giving away too soon..
2. When one of the two wants to talk to you or calls you, but you for instance want to show that you are angry or upset by knowingly dismissing the call holding the phone and seeing it ring in your hand
3. When a request comes for a meet from your partner at his/her convinient time but you put your right foot down saying you aren’t available to show it can’t always be on their terms but yours too..
4. When you keep your silence for too long by going to your cave and expecting the other person to come around vis-a-vis your behaviour.. it’s going to get difficult.
Because you would never know when your mind can take on this fight for real as your brain doesnt know the difference between pseudo power and real power and you just wouldn’t know when the silly fight to test your partner’s feeling for you goes out of your hand playing the role for real by making you pay the cost of it by the very relationship you are in itself.
Remember, Ellen DeGeneres, confession on losing her girl friend – Ellen confessed she felt “a lot of guilt”
Why? Reason below in her own words…
She (her then girlfriend) was trying to get me to come back home. I “acted” like I couldn’t hear her because the music was too loud. I was being really…dismissive of her,” she said.
These two real time examples only clearly says that our emotions takes over us making us focus on the person more than the problem!
This is something that happens unaware of your conscious behaviour and as you know it life is too short to live in guilt as anything can happen any time.
So.. what’s the solution now…
1. Firstly as I always say, COMMUNICATION is the key!
Talk. Listen. Seek. Forgive. Respond.
2. Stop playing mind games and get real about the situation – yes, it is a door on face, face it with grace and peace.
Let your partner know of your true feelings. Remember, they love you and they would always love you. You were chosen by them and no, you are not an option. If you feel you are one, I tell you, let go off this relationship right NOW… if not hold on to eachother.
3. Do not avoid the emotions. By ducking you are only letting your partner suffer alone in the whirlwind of emotions and you know by now, how the mind can perceive the psudo power. So rather than both of you staying alone and imagining negative thoughts that takes you on a dwindling spiral, show up at your partner’s door and take them for a walk.. make some soup.. get some flowers, it’s ok to feel small and let go off your EGO in front of your partner.
Need some inspiration on how to do this gracefully watch Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in the movie You have got a mail.
This is scene where he shows up, when Meg Ryan falls sick is something all men can do and trust me, women are only little girls who have grown up to be. See them through “She is my little girl” lens and you will exactly know what to do for her without even anyone telling you. She is yours!
4. It is not about you or her behaviour, learn to see the “Why” and the rootcause of the your first fight.. it will mainly be seeking your time, extra attention, little more love, a pinch of importance, and wanting to be with you.. if these are the reasons for fight then you know you have a little girl or boy in the shoes of your man or woman who is dearly in love with you. Keep them safe for the world has very less of them!
5. Finally… Trust and keep faith in eachother. Your mind can ask you to play games.. keep your awareness over your intelligence and you shall exactly know when it is the exact time to pull the chain of the train of thoughts that’s derailing you from your very ownself.
Allow me to leave you with this thought…
What is love if yearning to be with eachother in a nice way is absent while being in love for blessed you are as you are alive and having a cat fight with your beloved and this could be somebody’s final ask to being and experiencing love which is one of the finest emotions a human life can experience as we pass through these unprecedented times in our life where many did not make it to see this day.
So Go On.. Carpie Dem..!
Seek light in the relationship ❤
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