There had been days, when we think about the times we have missed to say the most lovable words our ears can hear to our own loved ones right? When I grew up, my mother always told me “I Love U” when she droped me off to school, the time that I hate the most, may be most of us hate the most. But the words of hers would make me long to get back home to see her and tell exactly what happened in my day. Those fights with my classmates for an eraser, or a sharpener, a notebook that was torn by my “Enemy” for the reason I would have torn something of theirs, from there this started……. Forgot to say -“I am Sorry”
I did write with all my consciousness the word “Enemy” above a line so as to say, this thought of thinking about someone as our foe started way back in our childhood, then were comes these thoughts to be good to people who have hurt us, obviously we aren’t the buddha Mahadev or a Karnan by nature to live and let live, though that was taught as a part of our curriculum, what we practiced was an “Eye for an eye” or “A tooth for a tooth” and this started growing along with us. Even before we know the identity of who we are and what defines us, these have already taken a shape of definition that was yet to be defined by our own way; just that it was waiting for the right time to get projected. We forgot all that we have studied along with our friends and foes. We made new circles, We changed our environment, We went to different colleges, We took up different streams, We traveled to different countries and continents, but still ended up in the same statement, “None understands me” or else, None to love me, I am feeling stupid and weird when I go through a break up with the relationship that I had painted in all Pink, He doesn’t or she doesn’t deserve me. Haven’t we???? If the answer what runs with your mind now is Yes then be proud of your self, You are still being a human! “Accepting ones mistake and Acknowledging it, One has to take pride over it” and this is because the day has come and the definitions are getting defined, “Forgot to say – “I am Sorry”
I did the same for a while and started my voyage in search of an answer that can justify me to myself. All the excuses my mind gave, my heart rejected, cz it knew my mind was playing a smarter game with my heart the “Mind Game” by having the great technique that has saved me from so many pin-pointing fingers in a jiffy, “The self – Defense Mechanism” not a rocket science word to decipher the meaning to it. I still din’t understand what my heart was exactly trying to communicate with my mind, and I fumed inside, to my notice I started feeling my heart is crazy, all the functioned Programme of my mind are in waters. Am I going insane?? with all this I closed my eyes, I heard a voice saying No! You are becoming SANE!!! I opened my eyes, couldn’t find even one bird next to me, then whose voice was that? A voice unheard unseen untold!! Now it was time to get myself to the answers for all my feeling of what I had always felt in-spite of the miles I had traveled. Somewhere I read, A worthy book is as good as a worthy friend. Now I wanted to seek a friend who wouldn’t transform from friend to a foe. Started reading, and started sharing the information I had read, few listened, few gave a care a dam attitude, few listened but din’t respond may be it was all Greek and Latin for them, and few argued, argument went to discussions and discussions provoked me to define the definitions of myself once again with all my senses. I had to start from the beginning, I had to retrieve those trivial information which was somewhere in the mind, I had no clue about. I had less time, and the responsibility I had taken was huge. I tried all to my best to ask my mind, but in vein.
I closed my eyes with a drop of tear drenched and drained of energy, fighting with all my loved souls, seeing nowhere near by me a ray of hope, accepting I am of no worth. My mind questioned my heart, why do you want me to go through it, and in a wink I got the answers, all the answers for one’s loneliness. Forgot to tell – I am Sorry. In a spark my eyes wanted to open, but I was too tired to do so.I remained quite, the conversation of my mind vs heart was as good as a cricket match of India and Pakistan, for no reasons your feel the adrenaline rush, I felt the same but with the pain. My heart spoke, it gave me incidents by incidents from my childhood to my teens to till date where exactly I went wrong and it showed me in black and white how I have been to them for the sake to feed my Ego, I forgot to say “I am Sorry”
Yes, When my ego took over me in the clouds of thinking I know everything, I forgot to say” I am sorry”
When my friends pointed out my mistake and made me feel I can do much better, I forgot to say:” Iam Sorry”
When time passed and made me an adult and when I got adulterated to few pure souls, I forgot to say: ” I am Sorry”
When my mother told me things for my good and I took it in my own way, I forgot to say:”I am Sorry”
When my tears poured, Heart melted, felt guilty, couldn’t gather strength to confess, I forgot to say:” I am Sorry”
When relationships were to be treasured, and when I measured the depth of it, I forgot to say:”I am Sorry”
I tried opening my eyes with the stream of tears flowing beside the eyes lashes, My mind maintained silence, and my heart spoke, Remember! Telling sorry can never define oneself it can only well define one’s self. Telling Sorry can never let one person down, it can only rise them in front of others. Telling sorry can never kills ones ego, it can only make the other person to kill theirs. Telling sorry can never make one to loose their identity it can only given an opportunity in helping others to create their own.
While reading this blog, if your heart had remembered some names whom you thought you have forgotten long time, it’s time to remember them and tell them:” I am Sorry”